roselia juan

Ever gone through an intense period of darkness or turmoil? Chances are that you have or you will. No one is safe from suffering or pain. It’s part of being human. People all over the world suffer through major experiences that feel as if they shatter your life completely- personally, professionally, you name it. In the midst of suffering, joy can also surface. The following three major stages are important to keep in mind:

FIRST, acknowledge the triggering event and what feelings/thoughts you have toward whatever happened.

1. What triggered the pain? -Who or what broke your heart? It’s different for everyone because we all desire different things. When these desires do not come to fruition, it hurts us.
2. How is the event affecting your feelings? How intense is the feeling? Chances are that you are have an overwhelming feeling and it may feel impossible to move through it, especially at the beginning. Know that these feelings will morph and pass with time.
3. How is the situation affecting your physical body? The body will go into a fight-or-fight mode and the stress response will activate with minimal disruption. You are likely to be feeling tension in parts of the body. You will need to release this tension through stretching, walking, or some form of exercising.
4. What are you thinking? This is probably the most important step of awareness that you can make. Are your thoughts against you and your persona? Are they against a supernatural power ? Are they against the person or thing that hurt you? You’ll need to be brave and redirect your thoughts before they consume you.

SECOND, know that the Stages of Grief are an important step in the process. These include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and lastly acceptance. It’s a work in progress and as you move through the stages, you’ll notice how your feelings and mentality change with each each stage.

FINALLY, perseverance is key. Persevere through the suffering and the pain. Reconnect with your values. If you have never thought about your values, this is the time to identify them. Who or what is important in addition to the shattered dream/goal.

Oftentimes people confuse values with goals or things. Nix that idea. Values are ways of being and doing. Think of a person that you highly admire. Why do you admire them? Perhaps you admire them for a specific quality that they possess (such as honesty, integrity, authenticity). Once you identify a value, find ways or activities to carryout those values.

Know that whatever or whoever broke your heart, resilience will help you build a life worth living.

For my christian faith-based people – when we go through a deep heartbreak, chances are that we may have all sorts of uncomfortable feelings such as a hurt pride or feelings of desolation. Thus, it is important to recognize who you are and who you are not. If your identity is rooted in Christ, when painful moments in life occur, you will know that you are not alone, Christ is with you. If your identity is rooted in Christ, know that whatever life throws at you, you are made in the image of Christ and that alone will bring consolation. This acknowledgment will give you greater support in your struggles.

For example, runners who live their life identifying as a runner, but one day they are no longer able to run, will likely have a harder time processing that situation if they do not recognize their identity transcends running alone.